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imawsome12 (2013-06-01 17:53:23)It has potential. Fix the spelling, and don't use numbers in place of words. use words as often as possible. But, it has potential.
Hi.
MeNobody14 (2013-06-01 20:53:26)BIGGAH WORDS! Like herpandderpyfailaphobia! Or trollfaceandmemephobia!
It's time for review, kiddo!
Emi (2013-06-02 00:54:51)ok, hey this is the fist story i've made in forms, & im only a 6th grader going in2 seventh
This post has been edited one or more times, the last time was:2013-06-02 12:16:19
Emi (2013-06-03 01:55:49)(continued)
Jake followed but headed into the bathroom. The next thing I heard was him throwing up.
Soon I feel asleep but my dreams were full of horrible nightmares. First, I heard a bunch of screaming but I could see no one. Next, I was running down a endless stair case that was coverd in blood. Finally, I jumped into a lake swimming from some one, or some thing unseen. I woke up screaming and every one rushed into my room to see what was going on.
"Are you ok?" asked my mother.
"Im fine, just a nightmare" I reinsured her.
Every one left my room after that. I looked out my window and it was still dark out. I got out of bed and walked over to my dresser. When I checked the time it was one... in the afternoon. At first I couldn't belive my eyes, then when I went down stairs the horror was confirmed. "Mom," i said "are the clocks broken?"
"I'm afraid not sweetie." She looked worn down.
"Go get some rest." I instructed her. After she left the room I went over to where Jake was sleeping, on the couch.
"Jake?" I shook him.
"Five more minuets..." he mumbled. He turned on his side.
I sighed and went over to the window which was boarded up. I looked out one of the cracks and there he was. The man with the wicked smile. I backed away slowly and fell on the T.V.
Jake woke up to the sound of me falling. "You ok?" He sat up wiping his eyes and yawning.
"yeah," I stood back up. "hey, do you thinkwe should check the news?"
"Already did, nothing, no reports of murders, no comments of this continued night." Jake sighed, then went into the kitchen.
"Well then, now what?"
"I say we all go out there and teach that man not to mess with us!" said my little brother. The four other people in here agreed.
"No! Thats stupid!" I exclaimed.
"It is better then sitting in here waiting for help, hunger, and possibly death." Cathy retorted.
This post has been edited one or more times, the last time was:2013-06-08 22:21:42
TheEpicOne (2013-06-03 03:17:38)Its ok
Philly Fan for Life, Gamer For Life, Hunter for Life, Football for Life, Athlete for Life.
imawsome12 (2013-06-03 04:07:06)It has potential, like I said. Things that make stories good: Spelling, Punctuation, Plot, and word usage. Don't use scared, use terrified. Words that have meaning. Punctuation/Spelling are good, work on the rest. This is just freindly advice.
Hi.
imawsome12 (2013-06-06 04:27:01)No, fix it now. It has to be good when posted or within some time range close to posting date.
Hi.
imawsome12 (2013-06-06 04:29:52):fp: King, freaking is correct. Why leave out one letter, IT'S JUST ONE LETTER! And you obviously don't know how to spell/grammer check.
Hi.
imawsome12 (2013-06-07 03:56:15)Wait, you changed your name, huh? HOW?! All I need to do is add an e in awsome (spelled awesome aperiently, so yeah)
Hi.
ccisawesome (2013-06-07 05:12:59)I love this story! really entertaining for a 11:00 at night story, I think the storys good-E-neaf with out gramer. etc. PLEASE contiue S00N!!
Sup people PM or add me!
Emi (2013-06-13 02:40:22)(continued)
I sighed, "Fine! Go out there, get shot, don't run back in here!" I ran upstairs into my bedroom
"Bella!" Jake ran after me. He tried to open the door but I locked it. "Bella, let me in."
"No... I-I just want to be left alone, oka- AHHHHHH!" I look out my window and there he is. I unlock the door and run out. I run into Jake.
"Hey, what happoned?" He asked nervesly.
"That man, he was outside my window." I was panting, my eyes wide in fear.
Jake imediently locked and boarded my door up.
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ok, so this is my first story, its about a 16year old girl named Bella & a 15 year old boy named jake, heres how it goes
It was my sweet sixteen birthday party, we were all danceing to the Wobble when there was a gunshot. My friend joey droped dead, I rushed over to him "Joey?!?" i asked panickly, i looked around for his killer.
After five minuets, another gunshot, and another. Two more people droped. By then the party turned into chaos, i got up from Joey's dead body and ran into my house. There were about five or more other people in there, they were all as frightened as me, mabey a bit more.
I looked out the window & screamed bloody murder, on the porch was three dead bodys, all skined.
After ten minuets, there was a knock on the door. I got a bat just in case and went over to the door cautionly, opened it and let out a sigh of relife. It was only Jake. "Oh my god Jake, you freakin scared me!" I grasped his wrist and pulled him inside.
"What the hell is happening!" he exclamed.
"I don't know, Ok!" i replied. I looked outside again and theres was a man. He held a renagade shotgun and had a wicked look on his face. "J-Jake, u better come and see this." I stammperd.
Jake walked up 2 the window and when he saw the man he ducked behind the couch "Who the Hell is that!"
"How would I know?!" I paced the back and forth on the stairs. "Is he stil there?"
"No way, im not checking" he retorted like a chicken
"Uh... loser," I check outside, I don't see the man. "No worry scardy cat, he's not there."
Jake sighs, "Well, im calling the cops," he pulls out his phone but there is no service. "Hey, is your power off?"
"No," I turn on the lights. After a hour I Look around, "hey, wheres Kel-"
There's a scream from the back yard. Everyone rushes to see what is was. When I get to the window blood splatters on it. "OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD!" I scream and runs upstairs into my room.
Jake follows but heads into the bathroom.
2013-06-07 08:49:33