AntiChrist (2016-08-13 18:10:53)

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I'd like this to be a serious discussion thread, if that's ok with you guys.

Something I've been thinking about for a while is how people's families affect people's behavior, and I've come up with some interesting questions. I'm frustrated, though, that I don't have the resources to test these things, so we can only speculate and toss ideas around (the reason I made this thread).

1. What is the perfect amount of neglect you can give a child to make them end up being extremely successful in life?

Obviously, child neglect and abuse is not good, but just for the sake of discussion, let's try to find an answer.

Neglected children tend to either become extremely lazy and dependent (which is why trying to make your future children successful through these means is not a good idea), or, they will be extremely independent, hard working leaders, possibly with higher intelligence than they would have if they had parents that weren't neglectful. Of course, wether or not this would happen would depend on their resilience.

So, how much neglect is the best possible amount of neglect to help your children have easier lives, hypothetically? Would it depend on their age? Would you have to be increasingly neglectful as the child got older? How much neglect would be too much? Is there a threshold which would cause them to be less successful?

Also, to ensure that they don't go down the dependent route, would drilling resilience and never giving up into their heads be enough to prevent that? How would you go about doing so.

(I know putting yourself in the shoes of an abusive parent might not seem desirable, but this is only a hypothetical situation. No need to feel guilt just for entertaining some thoughts).

2. Is it really impossible to avoid becoming like your parents when they make mistakes (even really bad ones)? Or, is that just something you only hear from the one's who have failed to not make their parents mistakes?

I always wonder this when I hear people insist that there's no way to not become like your parents. When people disagree, the ones who make the "it's impossible" claim start speaking in an authoritarian tone, being adamant that what they are saying is an undeniable, objective truth. Is this just denial as a defense mechanism?

Some people are naturally very different from their biological parents. I've seen this with my own eyes in other people, and in myself. Anyone with a basic understanding of genetics know that your personality could be extremely different from your parents, since it isn't only the two of them that will determine it. You aren't a combination of those two people. You have genes that came from them, yes, but also their grandparents and many other ancestors up the family trees.

3. I forgot what my other question was. I will add it to the other thread later. In the meantime, let's discuss the first two.

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iceman (2016-08-13 19:27:00)

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inb4 i'm completely wrong, there is too much written so i'm solely taking the question and roughly what I see after and forming a response.
1: I'd argue its discipline not neglect. If the kid is lazy and what not its because they're not disciplined. You're an awful parent if you neglect your kid. It also relies on what the kid wants in life. If they want a change and fight for it then they'll become successful. If they're a bum they'll leech off others
2: Nothing is impossible. It happens if you allow yourself to become similar to them. Work on being person you want to be and it wont happen.

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TwilightWinter (2016-08-13 19:32:44)

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1 In my opinion, children having strict parents normally turn out to be well behaved and educated, while children having neglectful and careless parents become careless and are normally not as successful. But their should be a little limitations to the strictness. Many parents don't let their kids go out, many parents think if their children are just going to sit in their rooms with their books and nothing else they'll be successful in life, but in my opinion, this is horrible for the child's physique as well as mentality, and these children are obviously always left behind socially.

2

This can be taken in two different ways:

(i) If you say that children are always like their parents and they always inherit every trait from the traits that are visible in their parents, then this can't be true. There are dominant and recessive genes in parents, if the gene is recessive (not visible) in the father/mother, then it may be dominant (visible) in the daughter/son.

(ii) If you say that children always inherit traits from their parents (doesn't matter if they were visible in their parents or not), then this is true. Because every single trait of yours is from your parents, it may not be visible in them. This is the reason why some people are like their grandmother and some are like their aunt.

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AntiChrist (2016-08-13 19:44:29)

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@iceman Children who are not taught how to do things and aren't taken care of well will usually learn ti take care of themselves at a young age. This is especially true for siblings that had to take care of each other. Neglect DOES, for some children, help them develop good qualities, but this isn't a discussion about wether or not it's moral.

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Nemesis (2016-08-13 19:59:17)

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1) I'm not sure how neglecting a child and their needs, especially at a young age, does them any good. I don't think that being a helicopter parent or not giving them any chance of independence is good either, but literally going out of your way to not help your child when they actually need it doesn't sound like it does anyone any good. Letting them solve their own problems and make their own meals isn't neglecting. Refusing to help when they legitimately need it or when they make a mistake is. We can argue how many times a parent should have to help their child though. However,I think if their kid keeps going out and partying and getting a hangover or some where they keep making the same mistake over and over, despite multiple attempts of helping the kid is a good reason to "neglect" them.

2) I can't see how that's impossible at all. Every day I think about how I will be completely different than my parents and remember how I felt when they did certain things so I can avoid making my children feel that same way. Just because you are raised by a certain type of person doesn't mean you inherit every aspect of their thought processes and personality. I do think they highly influence you but as long as you are even the slightest bit aware of your own feelings that if your parents ed up in some way you will go out of your way in the future from making the same mistake. As long as you recognize you don't like whatever it is your parent does.

This post has been edited one or more times, the last time was:
2016-08-13 20:00:33

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AntiChrist (2016-08-13 20:13:20)

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Keep in mind that I'm not saying neglect is ok or that anyone should do that. I'm saying there could be benefits for kids who's parents don't care about them as much as they should. Children who have no help will usually learn how to help themselves. Too much neglect, though, could be very bad.

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Nemesis (2016-08-13 20:21:35)

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Perhaps there is the "benefit" of maturity or independence, but that kid is probably going to end up depressed their parents don't show any love for them.

Yeah Adler is right. Should a special needs kid be neglected in hopes of becoming independent? Obviously not.

This post has been edited one or more times, the last time was:
2016-08-13 20:22:16

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TwilightWinter (2016-08-13 21:46:21)

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One thing for sure, the "little neglect" AntiChrist is talking about is 0% here.

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TheIronMadden (2016-08-13 22:22:37)

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Eh, I really don't plan on having children, but I don't think children need neglecting. I would put more of a focus on if they do something wrong, you discipline them. It would probably have to be yelling at them and threating to take something away (a personal possession and/or a personal privelege). I wouldn't really condone abusive physical actions on a young child (my mother may have only had to spank one of my siblings ONCE, but that was it), but you need to tell them when they do something wrong.

Also, the whole concept of becoming like one's parents is very possible, but it's the responsibility of the individual to try and be him or herself. Growing up with good parents, yes, I could be a bit like my parents if I have kids, but it's hard for me to determine if bad parents make their children bad. However, everyone grows up and develops different personalities and habits (I have two brothers and a sister, all of whom have different traits compared to each other), so I'm not a firm believer in that concept.

Again, I don't really want children in the future. They're annoying little s and I bet my child would end up eating glass behind my back and I would be like "Uhhhhh, what do I do again?"

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