AntiChrist (2014-05-19 19:44:54)

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This is a story I found on r/writingprompts. The writing prompt was "someone's summons a demon in church and a priest summons an arch angel to fight it." I thought this was sort of funny so I decided to share it. ( this is NOT my entry for Fluxers contest. )


The story:


I should have known that churches were not safe zones from a demon-summoning maniac.

"Has anyone here seen a man, average height, bad haircut, with blue pants and green shirts?" the er was shouting to the congregation.

"Sir, this is no place for-" a quick fireball to the gut. The poor priest never had a chance. I stooped low beneath the benches and began the slow crawl under the rows of the damn seats. Why are church benches always so hard to move under?

"Where are you, Jack? We had a deal, remember?"

He knew I hated being called Jack.

"Sir, I'll have to ask you to leave."

The priest was alive?

"Choronzon, kill him."

Well, not anymore he is. At least he'll get to go to his Heaven-

Or just summon an archangel to protect him. You know, just normal priest stuff.

I had no time for this bull. If it weren't for that idiot to take my joke literally and actually summon a demon, I would be in Kelvin's yacht right now, with mountains of coke and- is that priest... healing people?

I stopped crawling to get a better look at the priest. Sure enough, he was shouting "wololol" at the wounded churchmen who seemed to be recuperating ridiculously quickly from their fireball wounds.

Not something you see everyday.

The door was already open. Now that I was at the last part of my arduous journey, I risked a quick look around the church to confirm the position of my ex-best friend. The demon was interlocked in a rather suggestive manner with the angel - I wasn't quite sure if they were wrestling or actually copulating. Or maybe all fights between demons and angels look like that.

Focus, Jacus! No time to think of ideas for your doujins. Where on earth was the prick?

Well surely he can't be outside, that would be so clich­é. Surely the writer of my life isn't that stupid-

Oh. Looks like he is.

My demon summoning roommate stood in the courtyard alone, the thick snow accentuating his dark coat. A coat *and* a handsome face too, life just isn't fair, is it?

"We had a deal."

"Alright, just calm down. First of all, that was a joke. Second of all, that was a ing JOKE."

He smirked. "You know, I *can* take you down even without the demon."

" you." Did I mention that he's learned three different martial arts the names of which are too Asian for me to remember? How is this fair?!

"So. You refuse to hold up your part of the bargain?"

"I'd rather die than do that. Oh wait, that was the whole point, wasn't it?" Might as well as go down mocking the one who would be my death.

"Well then, let me just start by saying that this isn't personal." He rushed toward me with weird postures I've only seen in Kung-Fu movies.

*Thud*

"Hey Jack, you're going to be late for work!" Never in my life did I feel more relieved hearing my wife's voice in the pantry.

At least I remembered the angel and demon's postures for my doujin.

This post has been edited one or more times, the last time was:
2014-05-20 02:45:18

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