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The Adventures of Drew, Josh and James.
Pin_the_Person (2014-04-03 20:13:26)Nice work!! I like it!! Now I wanna be in it... CAN I!? My name is Elizabeth.
Make it happen.
Pin_the_Person (2014-04-03 20:22:54)I wanna be in it 'cause it includes a basement. In a school.
Also, I want to be that cute destructive girl you see in anime, so... 
ummy:
Fireboy21 (2014-04-03 20:56:54)[Chapter 2] The Money Making Plan
2 Days Later
"Hello and welcome to the Basement of Awesomesauce!" James announced as all the surprised but happy students walked inside.
"Here we have all your needs, with our food buffet. We have a Bouncy Castle, bow and arrow a teacher and much much more! So remember to have fun!"
As all the students started their activities the three went to a conner and talked.
"Ok, so how much have you charged each student?" Josh asked.
"£1.50 each." James said.
"Hey guys I don't know if you noticed but l look who just walked in..." Drew said as he pointed at Elizabeth.
Elizabeth was known as a cute bad girl, every guy who wasn't blind liked her.
"She's looking fiiinnnneee" Drew said in a high pitch voice. "I'm going to talk to her" He added.
He was about to walk over but stopped when he saw Elizabeth.
"LET ME BE IN FRONT!!!" Elizabeth shouted as she took the young mans bow and arrow and threatened him with it.
"Ok ok." Said the young man who was in the verge of crying. He whimpered and walked out the basement door.
"Man..." James whispered, frightened.
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Short chapter but I'll make up for it honest.
Hope you like the story so far.
This post has been edited one or more times, the last time was:2014-04-04 14:36:09
frazertim (2014-04-03 21:07:02)I love it, especially the dialogue between the characters.
If I was to rate it; 6/10.
If I was going to mark it out of 15; 9/15 which is a C2 or C.
* There was some spelling issues as well as some issues being grammar.
Tips: Use a thesaurus, to replace emotions, for a better, exciting or dramatic word.
This post has been edited one or more times, the last time was:2014-04-03 21:19:44
Pin_the_Person (2014-04-04 03:46:21)ouo I love how you made my character. :no: Pure awesomeness, I assure you.
silveon (2014-04-04 11:49:37)Is there any chance I could be in it? My name's Stephanie. Im a blond girl that is very intelligent, but doesn't wear glasses. Ima nerd too =^.^= (walking pokemon encyclopedia)
! This account has switched to Silvesary !
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Back to forum: Creepypasta/Story Forum
New registered users today: 9
Newest registered user: AryanPower
Ok so this is the first story I've written (in the forums) for almost a year! I closed my other story because I wanted to start fresh. If you any have constructive criticism on how to make the story better please say it in the comments or PM me. Anyway here is the chapter of my story, hope you enjoy it!
[Chapter 1] The School Basement
"Guys!!" shouted Drew at the start of break time at school. Josh and James turned around and looked at Drew, who you could tell was very excited about somthing by just looking at his face.
"What's up?" James asked as he looked at Drew, who seemed that he was about to have a asthma attack.
Drew was about to to speak but then he saw eveyone look at him in a strange way so he narrowed his voice.
"This school has a secret basement!" he whispered.
"What!?" James and Josh gasped.
"Where is it?" Josh asked.
"Come" Drew beamed, signalling to the main hall. Slowly, James and Josh followed.
Halfway through the hall Drew stopped, he made sure nobody was watching before he ran against the wall. James and Josh looked at him in disbelief but then suddenly the strangest thing happend. A bit of the wall opened and there was a staircase leading down. James and Josh jaws almost fell to the ground but they regained consonance after Drew started walking in. James and Josh followed. Inside was a dark and damp surrounding, a few spiders here and there but nothing to bad.
"How on earth did you find this!?" James asked.
"Well it all started when I was late handing in my English homework-"
"That homework was due in 3 weeks ago." Josh interrupted.
"Very late." Drew added. "Anyway, I hadn't realised that the janitor cleaned the floor so I slipped and slide straight into the wall and there it was.
James smiled, he looked around the room with a smug look on his face.
"Guys, I think I know how to a money making plan out of this." he beamed.
"How?" Drew and Josh asked in unison.
[TO BE CONTINUED]
2014-04-03 21:14:16