AmayaTime8D (2012-12-28 00:30:38)

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First, you need grammar. You need spaces after a period at the end of the sentance, or a comma. You also need to indent in a new paragraph when someone is speaking. For example,
I had the feeling I was being followed.
" off and leave me alone!" I shouted toward whatever was behind me.
That would be perfect. Also, avoid making them in parts. If you have to write a lot, put them into parts in your notepad, and then put them together and copy and paste them here.
Second, you need to make it more detailed. For example, explain how your character looks. And explain what the darkness looked like. Don't just say 'I saw it.' Explain it.
Hope I helped!

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