little5 (2015-12-31 22:05:35)

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I can't copy anything from the Wattpad website, it would've been way easier for me to highlight mistakes. It is what it is. I read the first page of "Saved From Hell".

First Paragraph:
This is the beginning of the story. It needs to be strong. Not too upfront. Actually, there's nothing wrong with being upfront. It's less juvenile to let introductory details find their ways in, or at least not have them in the very first sentences. Three paragraphs later, Maddie says the main character's name. That's a good place. You should just delete this paragraph alltogether. Maybe merge it with the second?

Second Paragraph:
Yeah, make this the start. Or just the first sentence. There's a ton of grammatical errors, but I'm sure you can find them yourself, right? If you want to introduce some while stating their postion, add a comma.

Tabitha, the "mother", blah blah blah...

(I should also note that punctuation only come before quotation in dialogue)

"I, I, I, I, I," you used "I" way too many times. Like I said before, if it's stylistic, it's fine, but this doesn't flow. Use italics when the character is using their mind voice. "Ugh, Tabitha," in this situation is better than. "I groan. Tabitha, why so early?" I had this problem with my own writing. "I _____ed." It just doesn't sound right unless it can flow.

Also: don't be afraid to proofread. Unless you plan on labelling your story as a oneshot. There's this story I'm writing now, so far I've gone through 6 or 7 versions. Don't make real changes on the same day that you write it. Wait a few days, a week, or month even. Definitely don't publish it, unless for criticism. Wattpad, Deviantart, etc. are all bad communities for that.

I'll add more later.

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phangirl12 (2016-01-01 06:55:23)

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^
Your tip are very helpful! I can't say thank you enough!



The first 4 chapters were writing when I was first starting out on Wattpad,so it's complete

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brandoin (2016-01-01 09:33:16)

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Lil Jon was a SuperCrunk Writer.

Three, six, nine damn she fine hopin she can sock it to me one mo time
Get low, Get low
Get low, Get low
To the window, to the wall, (to dat wall)
To the sweat drop down my balls (MY BALLS)
To all these es crawl (crawl)
To all skeet skeet (!) all skeet skeet got dam (Got Dam)
To all skeet skeet (!) all skeet skeet got dam (Got Dam)

Shortie crunk so fresh so clean can she that
Question been harassing me in the mind this is fine
I done came to the club about 50 11 times now can I play with yo
Panty line the club owner said I need to calm down security guard go to sweating
Me now nigga drunk then a threaten me now

She getting crunk in the club I mean she work
Then I like to see the female twerking taking the clothes off BUCKEY naked
ATL. Hoe don't disrespect it
Pa pop yo like this cause yin yang twins in this b I itch
Lil Jon and the East side boys wit me and we all like to see Ass and tities
Now bring yo ass over here hoe and let me see you get low if you want this Thug
Now take it to the floor (to the floor) and if yo ass wanta act you can keep yo
Ass where you at

Three, six, nine damn she fine hopin she can sock it to me one mo time
Get low, Get low
Get low, Get low
To the window, to the wall, (to dat wall)
To the sweat drop down my balls (MY BALLS)
To all these es crawl (crawl)
To all skeet skeet (!) all skeet skeet got dam (Got Dam)
To all skeet skeet (!) all skeet skeet got dam (Got Dam)

Let me see you get low you scared you, scared you
Drop dat ass to the floor you scared you, scared you
Let me see you get low you scared you, scared you
Drop dat ass to the floor you scared you, scared you
Drop dat ass ya shake it fast ya
Pop dat ass to the left and the right ya
Drop dat ass ya shake it fast ya
Pop dat ass to the left and the right ya
Now back,back,back it up
A back,back,back it up
A back,back,back it up
A back,back,back it up
Now stop then wiggle wit it
Now stop then wiggle wit it
Now stop then wiggle wit it
Now stop then wiggle wit it

Three, six, nine damn she fine hopin she can sock it to me one mo time
Get low, Get low
Get low, Get low
To the window, to the wall, (to dat wall)
To the sweat drop down my balls (MY BALLS)
To all these es crawl (crawl)
To all skeet skeet (!) all skeet skeet got dam (Got Dam)
To all skeet skeet (!) all skeet skeet got dam (Got Dam)

Now give me my doe back and go get ya friend
Stupid standing there while I'm drinking my hen
Steady looking at me Still asking questions
Times up nigga pass me another contestant
Hoe move to the left if you ain't bout 50
Done talk through 3 or 4 songs already
Looking at a nigga with yo palm out I ain't even seen you dance
Twerk something baby work something baby
Pop yo on the pole do yo thang baby
Slide down dat
A little bit then stop
Get back on the floor catch yo balance then drop
Now bring it back up clap yo ass like hands
I just wanna see yo ass dirty dance yin yang we done again
And put it on the map like annnnn

Three, six, nine damn she fine hopin she can sock it to me one mo time
Get low, Get low
Get low, Get low
To the window, to the wall, (to dat wall)
To the sweat drop down my balls (MY BALLS)
To all these es crawl (crawl)
To all skeet skeet (!) all skeet skeet got dam (Got Dam)
To all skeet skeet (!) all skeet skeet got dam (Got Dam)

Got dam (Got dam) ya ya'll twerking a little bit ladies
But ya got to twerk a little bit harder then dat
Now right now I need all the ladies dat know they look good tonite
(where my sexy ladies) we want ya'll to do this like this
Bend over to the front touch toes back dat ass up and down and get low (get low)
Bend over to the front touch toes back dat ass up and down and get low (get low)
Bend over to the front touch toes back dat ass up and down and get low (get low)
Bend over to the front touch toes back dat ass up and down and get low (get low)

Three, six, nine damn she fine hopin she can sock it to me one mo time
Get low, Get low
Get low, Get low
To the window, to the wall, (to dat wall)
To the sweat drip down my balls (MY BALLS)
To all these es crawl (crawl)
To all skeet skeet (!) all skeet skeet got dam (Got Dam)
To all skeet skeet (!) all skeet skeet got dam (Got Dam)

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Perfect_Chaos (2016-01-01 09:33:56)

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^ Bro shut the [aboutdamntimelmao] up

This post has been edited one or more times, the last time was:
2016-01-05 03:44:18

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TheIronMadden (2016-01-01 13:00:36)

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brandoin- Too Long; Did not Read!

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PANZERFAUST (2016-01-03 15:55:44)

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^

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phangirl12 (2016-01-04 02:28:08)

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Recently peer edited it with my friend

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phangirl12 (2016-01-19 00:42:41)

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Still waiting and its REALLY hard.



*not a bump*

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phangirl12 (2016-01-26 00:38:29)

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they have announced that they chose 10% of the entries

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